It's Never Too Late - To Love

Dearest Dad,

The weekend yesterday brought a couple of friends home. Most of them know that your leaving has not been easy for me Dad. I'm blessed to have kind friends who are making the time to comfort me. And as you know Dad, I have friends of all ages :-), from 85 to 18. The 2 friends who dropped by yesterday were miles apart, in age, in backgrounds, in context. One is a 75 year old retired journalist and an author from the heartlands of Uttar Pradesh, the other a 45 year old banker settled in California who is in India on a vacation.

Delhi traffic and pollution being what they are these days, both of them chose to visit me by metro. It helps that I live in a place that is not only one of the best connected by metro, it is also a junction. It was decided that I would pick them up from the metro station.

Coordinating in these times of mobile phones is not difficult. And it was important because an informal waiting area outside the metro station is on the road and it's not possible to stay parked on a busy road for more than a couple of minutes. My older friend visited in the morning hours and came around 10am. The US based friend visited around 4pm. As planned, I reached the metro station to pick them up at the respective meeting times. Now, in such pickup situations, it is near impossible to have perfect timing such that the car reaches as the other person arrives at the pickup point. One person WOULD HAVE TO wait for a few minutes. Logically, in a situation where there is no waiting area for vehicles and roadside wait is fined by traffic cops, it is a better idea that it's the traveller who waits a couple of minutes. Keeping all this in mind and yet aiming that my friends did not have to wait long, I reached the station for both friends at the appointed times.

The older friend in the morning had to wait around 5 min. As I drove to the station and spoke with him apologising for his wait, he said most affectionately - "Pls take your time and drive slow. I'm very comfortable in the waiting area. In fact you guided me very well." Later in the day as I drove to pick up the younger friend, he had to wait for around 2-3 min. As he got in the car and I apologised for the wait (which as obvious was inevitable), he laughed off by saying he was used to the notorious "Indian Standard Time" commitments in India. That wasn't true in this case but I let it pass. He added how the station planning should have included a waiting area for pickup vehicles so the passengers didn't have to wait. His discourse then meandered off to how it is important to budget for traffic, unexpected diversions and any other exigencies to ensure punctuality. I had of course budgeted for all these and that's how I was there to pick him up within a couple of minutes of his exit from the station. I kept listening and couldn't help but notice the difference between the approaches of the 2 friends.

One was older, has a chronic knee problem, yet made me feel at ease despite his wait. He went out of the way to tell me how the weather was lovely and he enjoyed surveying nature and the awesome new metro buildings till I reached. In short, he worked so easily to not just wipe off my guilt but also make me feel good. The other one ensured I somewhere carried a guilt and was more sorry for having made him wait a couple of minutes even though I had done my best and tried to do the right thing.

My takeaway from these episodes was not how I was made to feel. It was how was I going to make another person feel when I was being picked up or waiting next. And I have learnt from the finest - you, my Dad.

Dear Reader, There's a story about my Dad when he came home after a hard day's work late in the night and his much younger sister was sleeping at home. My grandparents were out to a friends place and the door was bolted from inside. My father knocked for long but the soundly sleeping child was not effected. The neighbours joined in and there are stories about how someone had to climb to the bedroom window at level 1 to finally wake up the child. All this took over an hour. When she finally woke up, my father's first words to her were - "take your time, don't rush." He was more concerned that the child should not trip or be panicked. He was at ease even after the doors opened and was concerned if my young aunt was fine. Later in life, there were so many situations where I saw him wait, whether for a pick up at the station or outside someone's locked door. Punctual to a fault that he was, he was the one who was always present before. Despite that he was always ensuring that the other person did not rush, drove rashly or tripped in a hurry. He was always making the other person relaxed and comfortable. It was not him to make the other person feel guilty or uncomfortable. On the contrary, he would always thank the person genuinely for making the time to pick him up or for meeting with him and leave the person feeling good.

As I see hundreds of well wishers mourning your passing away from this world Dad, the common thread I see is how you left such a good taste in everyone's being. How you made everyone feel good about themselves. How you kept giving a boundless ocean of love, warmth and gratitude to everyone you met. That is how one makes this world a better place, by not just being a good person themselves but also by making others feel good, loved, appreciated, respected. As I remembered all these times with you Dad, I apologised to the younger friend again and thanked him for making the time to be with me in this hour. I told him how you remembered him fondly always and that Mom would be truly happy to see him. We reached home by then.